How To Better Serve LGBTQ+ Couples: A Guide For Wedding Vendors

The wedding industry is getting more inclusive, but we still have a *lot* of work to do. Here’s a great starting point for wedding vendors on how to better serve LGBTQ+ couples.

Clearly say what you stand for on your website. 

• If you have space to talk about loving pizza, coffee, and houseplants you have space for an anti-discrimination statement.

• Couples should never have to email you to ask if you’re inclusive.

• If you feel hesitant to post that you are LGBTQ-friendly, you need to ask yourself why that is.

Use gender-neutral language on your website, contracts, and when working with clients.

• Not all couples have a bride. Not all brides are the ones leading wedding planning.

• Queer couples shouldn’t have to read bride & groom over and over again on your website or in your contract.

• You don’t know if there are non-binary folks on the guest list. When speaking with the wedding party call them that or say “Sarah’s side” if you need to be more specific.

• “Esteemed guests” works much better than “ladies and gentlemen” when making announcements.

Respect Pronouns.

• Include your pronouns in your bio and email signature. This is not only a way to let folks know you will respect their pronouns, but it's also a nice way of normalizing everyone sharing their pronouns. The burden shouldn’t fall on those using they/them, xe/xem, or trans folks. Pronouns shouldn’t be assumed.

• Ask couples their pronouns when they inquire with you and then always use those pronouns. This is great to include your contact form!

• Pronouns are also an indicator of what other language might work for someone. If a client is using they/them pronouns, even if they look very feminine or masculine to you, they likely won’t want other gendered language applied to them. Instead of bride or groom, you can say marrier. Instead of husband or wife, you can say, spouse or partner. This is a great habit to get into regardless of your client's gender identity!

Don’t assume things about your clients or their guests.

• Even if your couple looks straight to you—you don’t know their gender or sexual identity, nor do you know their guests’. 

• Ask your couple what they want! Queer or straight, lots of couples don’t want to participate in various traditions. Give couples the freedom to make their own choices & to make their wedding a reflection of their love.

• For photographers, don’t assume someone’s role in a relationship and then pose them that way. Pay attention to how your couple interacts with each other and use that to inform posing and prompts. 

• When discussing getting ready or fashion choices you can refer to someone’s outfit rather than “the dress” since all kinds of couples wear all kinds of different things.

• You can ask if someone will be including flowers in their look rather than assuming they will have a boutonniere or bouquet.

• When ending the ceremony, the officiant can say something like I pronounce you “legally wed” or “married” or “partners for life” instead of any gender-specific phrase.

• The officiant can also say “you may now share a kiss” or “I invite you to seal your promise with a kiss” instead of “kiss the bride.”

Advocate for LGBTQ folks outside of the wedding industry. 

• It is not enough to be “okay” with taking someone’s money.

• You should be working to improve the everyday lives of queer folks by staying informed, signing petitions, writing your representatives, and sharing content to help others get involved as well.

• If you're able, donate to organizations like the Marsha P. Johnson Institute, The Trevor Project, or locally at Louisville Youth Group.

Commit to Learning.

• Queer Kentucky has a training called "Trans Inclusivity in the Workplace" that is great info for all work environments.

• Inclusive Kentucky Weddings expands on this post in their guide for LGBTQ+ friendly wedding vendors, offers an LGBTQ+ audit for wedding professionals, and has a directory full of Queer-positive wedding vendors!

• Listen to LGBTQ+ folks when we share our experiences.

Last but definitely not least; Don’t tokenize people. 

• This would be a whole post of its own. Read “People Are Not Props/How to Avoid Tokenism in Your Portfolio” from Catalyst before working to diversify your portfolio.

Intimate Mellwood Art Center Wedding by Louisville Kentucky Photographer Sarah Katherine Davis Photography

When I first met with Jenny (she/her) and Haley (she/her) they were planning a traditional wedding. We talked about what they were imagining, what they were looking forward to, and how to make the day feel true to themselves. Two weeks later Jenny emailed, "Haley and I really appreciated all the time you spent with us and all the insight you shared! It got us both thinking that maybe this “typical” wedding we’ve been planning isn’t what we actually want, it’s not what really feels like us. SO, we are totally rethinking the big day." I am always thrilled when I can be an advocate for couples choosing to do what feels right for their wedding rather than what they think they "should" do.

While some couples look forward to all the events that come with a more traditional wedding, many others feel like they are performing or jumping through hoops rather than getting to spend quality time with their family and friends. In my wedding planning guide, I describe myself as a “doing whatever you want because it is YOUR wedding” coach. You can read through some alternatives to various traditions at that link and you can check out some wonderful non-traditional wedding venues on my comprehensive list of the best wedding venues in Louisville here.

Another reason I wanted to share their wedding with you is to highlight how much can be captured with the three-hour elopement package I offer! This package is a great fit for smaller non-Saturday weddings or elopements— you can read more about what is included at the bottom of my pricing page.

And finally, the number one reason I'm excited to share Haley & Jenny's wedding with you is that their wedding and their images have brought me a lot of joy. There were so many thoughtful details throughout the day— all of which they describe much better than I could, so I included quotes from them through the post so you can read more about the significant moments from their beautiful wedding.

“We loved doing a first-look! It took a lot of pressure off and gave us time to get some pictures out of the way, while being together and getting even more excited about walking down the aisle. Our wedding ceremony felt so personal and filled with so much love and excitement. Our reception was like a good old fashion house party (minus the random strangers) but outdoors and with the best pizza in Louisville and the best playlist, created by Haley.”

“Our wedding was on the smaller side, but it was the perfect amount of people for us. We were able to have most of our family (some could not travel because of COVID) and our closest friends. Our officiant was JoAnne Morris. She is an ordained minister, but more importantly, she is a friend of ours. It was really meaningful to have someone we know play that role in our wedding. There are two pieces of our ceremony that stand out as our favorites. One was the poem we had read titled “I Have Just Said,” by Mary Oliver. The first time I read the poem I immediately thought of Haley and when we got engaged I knew I wanted it to be read during the ceremony. I still remember the day I read it to Haley and after reading it, I looked up at her and we both had tears in our eyes. It’s a beautiful poem that fits us perfectly.”

“The second, and our most favorite part of the wedding ceremony, was the moment we had with our two boys, Nate and Stephen. Nate and Stephen are related on Haley’s side of the family and only a couple of months after getting engaged, they came to live with us. Over the course of our first year together, we formed a family and we wanted to honor that family by making promises to the boys. We also wanted to give them something to symbolize our commitment to them and to being a family. A few weeks before the wedding Haley had the idea to create our very own family crest. We picked symbols that were representative of our family - things we like to do together, our dogs, the Deathly Hallows symbol to remind them that the only thing that can conquer death is love, and a latin quote that translates into english “Fortune Favors the Bold.” We wanted to honor and speak to the boldness the boys showed when they moved in with us, the boldness we showed in opening our home, and the boldness we would continue to show as we move through life as a “non-traditional family” (whatever that even means - because like, what is a "traditional family" anyway?!). After reciting our vows to each other as wives, we recited our promises to the boys and then pinned our family crest onto their shirts. It was a moving moment for everyone present and one that we as a family will cherish forever. In addition to the pins, we had a larger copy of the crest made and to this day it sits on our mantle as a reminder of the promises made to the boys and the beautiful family that we’ve created together.”

Their advice to other couples planning their wedding is, “DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. It’s easy to get caught up in what your family thinks, what your friends think, and what society tells you a wedding is “supposed” to look like. We took the word “should” out of our vocabulary and that made all the difference. We would not have done a thing different. “

“When we first started planning our wedding, we felt a lot of pressure from family to do it a certain way. We knew that we wanted something small, but our families wanted something bigger. The guest list continued to grow and then COVID hit. This meant that the list needed to be shortened, significantly, so that we could keep everyone safe. I wish COVID wasn’t something we have all had to go through, and I am grateful that because of COVID our wedding turned out to be what Haley and I had wanted from the beginning. We tried to make the best out of being a “COVID Wedding,” so we had masks with our hashtag printed on them and hand sanitizers with stickers that had our names and wedding date printed on them as our favors. Our wedding would not have been possible without the incredible support of our friends, family, and Danny Mac’s Pizza. Everything from our signage and floral arrangements (except for the bouquets and boutonnieres) to the cake table and the set up of both the ceremony room and outdoor reception and music playlist, was DIY. Our outdoor reception in the courtyard right outside of Danny Mac’s was more beautiful than either of us could have imagined on our own and we give all the credit for that reception to Danny Mac’s and the team there. Our wedding day was more than we could have ever imagined and it was perfect for us.”

“Another note: there WILL be hiccups. The week of our wedding, our hair person could no longer do our hair, and the woman who was going to (safely) sing, had emergency surgery. We took lots of deep breaths, and made it work. And it worked out beautifully. So, let go of what you can’t control and be present in the moment. Look at the people who are gathered as you walk down the aisle. Be mindful of every step, every word, every hug, and every kiss. It will pass by quickly, but if you pay attention then it will stay with you forever.”

“I also need to shout out Sarah. If it wasn’t for Sarah meeting with us at the very beginning of our planning process, I don’t know that we would have shed the “wedding shoulds” like we did. From beginning to end, Sarah was so helpful. We are forever grateful for her wedding knowledge, the assistance in creating a wedding day timeline, and the incredible pictures she took that we will forever cherish.”

Venue: Mellwood Art Center // Catering: Danny Mac’s Pizza // Florals: Hazelfield Farm // Gown: Rebecca’s Weddings // MUA: Micaela Frances Reeves // Photography: Sarah Katherine Davis

Pride Month LGBTQ Wedding at Hazelnut Farm

Ever since Will & Nate's Buffalo Trace engagement session, I have been counting down the days until their wedding. When I asked them what they were looking forward to and what inspired them when planning they said, "Our venue is a barn meets ballroom feel so we tried to focus on an upscale Kentucky vibe. Looking forward to everything coming together and having a relaxed evening celebrating."

Their wedding was only the second at Hazelnut Farm— a new venue that was designed with the help of the ladies over at Honeycomb Wedding Planners. I was freaking out about the gorgeous blue velvet couch in one of the getting-ready rooms when Nate let me know that he and Will helped pick it out...which made total sense because it was the perfect backdrop for all their little details. They both wore rainbow socks that complimented each other's but didn't match — same with their boutonnières. All their details were perfect— Will's shoes and belt were both vintage, he carried a handkerchief that was his father's, and the pin her wore over his boutonnière was a family heirloom as well. Nate wore an intricately patterned loafer as well as a floral patterned tie & pocket square.

It made me so happy to see that the venue had two quality getting-ready rooms— so often the heteronormative attitudes that run rampant the wedding industry mean one "bridal suite" that is big and beautiful and one "man cave" type tiny hideaway room. Regardless if a wedding is LGBTQ or not, everyone deserves to get ready and spend time in a nice room before their wedding. You can learn more about Hazelnut Farm on my comprehensive list of the best wedding venues in Louisville here.

During the wedding ceremony, family members gave a couple of readings, and in-lieu of a sand ceremony they did a bourbon bottling ceremony...which might be my new favorite thing. One of their best friends officiated, which made it really personal and sweet. Speaking of friends helping out, at the reception each table had beautifully handwritten table numbers made by my best friend (and one of their best friends!) Michelle Marie Calligraphy who is as kind as she is talented. I loved that their good friend Denizen used actual potted plants in addition to florals on the table— bird's nest ferns are always my favorites (mainly because I struggle growing them myself.) There were also tiny little succulent babies at each seat that each guest was able to take home. They ended up having an extra one that is now living in my kitchen and it makes me smile every time I see it.

I didn't cry until the first dance— it was "Here I AM" by Dolly Parton & Sia. Something about Dolly always hits me right in the heart and I hadn't heard this one before. During the mother-son dances, Nate cut in and danced with Will's mother at the very end and it gave me all the feels. The night ended with glow sticks, light-up jewelry, dancing on chairs, and White Castles so you know it was a good time. Now that I've written a novel, shall we hop to the vendor credits & the images?

Venue: Hazelnut Farm // Coordinator: Melissa Montgomery with Honeycomb Wedding Planners // Calligraphy: Michelle Marie Calligraphy // Florist: Denizen // DJ: Triangle Talent // Caterer: Masterson's // Wedding Party Attire: David's Bridal // Tarts: Scarlet's Bakery // Invitation Suite: Minted // Wedding Party Makeup: J.R's Spa & Salon